Without hurting yourself, without sacrificing yourself

The Way of the Buddha does not, under any circumstances, require you to sacrifice yourself for others.

One day, during the time of the Buddha, the king of Kosala asked his wife: ‘Of you or of me, who do you love the most?’ The queen replies: ‘Your Majesty, it is I that I love the most.’ The king is devastated.

Some time later, the king meets Buddha Shakyamuni and, outraged, tells him what has happened: ‘My wife told me that she prefers herself to me, her husband, the king.’ The Buddha replies: ‘Of course, she is right.’ The king no longer understands.

Buddha means that our practice begins, above all, with ourselves. We must take firm control of ourselves, without harming ourselves.

Most of the time, we think in terms of me and mine. We seek happiness by satisfying our greed, our aversion, our ignorance. We let the ego direct our life, and that is where we make a mistake.

To think of oneself in the right way is to think of one’s Buddha dimension. It means thinking of putting Buddha first in our life. Then the ego follows Buddha. Practising in this way is to attain true happiness that will benefit everyone else. When you act out of selfishness, even if you get small, fleeting satisfactions, in the end you hurt yourself and you hurt others.

Our choices are right when they are good for us and good for others. If they are good for us and bad for others, they are selfish. If they are good for others and bad for us, it is because we are sacrificing ourselves and they are not right. What Buddha wanted to tell the king is that the practice begins with oneself. Working towards liberation from the three poisons (greed, aversion, ignorance) is good for oneself and for others. Don’t misunderstand the Buddha’s teaching.

The Buddha’s teaching speaks of jiriki. Riki is strength, ji is self. We do not ask heaven or others to help us, to do things for us. We do what only we can do, which is to move towards our Buddha dimension: freeing ourselves from the three poisons. We find the strength to do this through love, love for ourselves and for others.

Taking firm control of ourselves, without harming ourselves, is what we are doing now. With our backs straight, our breathing coming and going freely, thoughts appearing and disappearing by themselves, we maintain the link, we maintain contact with reality, with what is – with what is, as it is.

This is what Buddha Shakyamuni practised 2600 years ago. For the first time, a human being emerged from the long night of ignorance. After eight days and eight nights of meditation, he saw the morning star rise, and he felt that he was not separate from it.

Coming out of the long night of ignorance, the veil of illusion was torn asunder. He simply returned to his true nature, without harming or sacrificing himself. He simply returned to what he really was.

Taiun JP Faure, February 2025